I Fucking Hate Clothes : a poem

Guess what? 

I don’t wear thongs.  They give me yeast infections. 
And I won’t wear shit that cuts me in to sections. 
Too high of a rise and I get camel toe.
I get a muffin top when them shits is too low.  
I can’t do a 34 back size — I’ll get the back flaps
But I can’t wear a sports bra ’cause you can’t adjust the straps.
Boy shorts give me double butt — so not cool,
And push ups give me double boob so fuck that too. 
Bangs give me forehead zits.
Polyester gives me smelly pits.
I refuse to do a baby doll 
I’m a woman not a girl
Skinny leg pants make my ass look big.
A bob on me so looks like a wig.
So fuck the stores, I won’t even shop on-line.
Why can’t I just be naked all the time?


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