I Fucking Heart Valentine’s Day

Listen up, I’m sick of everybody whining about Valentine’s Day.  I don’t know about you, but any holiday that entitles me to an Enya induced back rub, a fancy dinner that I don’t have to cook, and a big ass box of chocolates is AOKay in my book.  I don’t give a shit if you call it “St. Suck A Turd Day”, if I get to stuff my face with chocolate while my man serenades me in a candlelit bubble bath, count me the hell IN.  


There’s a lot of holidays that are “Hallmark Holidays”.  In fact, I can’t think of too many that aren’t. Why on earth would I snub one that happens to benefit ME for a damn change?  All things considered, I’m entitled to a lot more than a stupid dinner just for being a mother.  Shit, you’re lucky I’m not demanding a trip to Cabo, BY MYSELF

 
YES, YES, AND YES!!!

I don’t really give a hoot about couples without kids and whether or not it’s fair that the man should bear the brunt of the gift giving, although, just the fact that men are given the gift of pussy kinda makes that argument a no-brainer 

Ahh, another story, another blog….and as far as woman who never “give it up” for their man…. yet an even longer discussion. 

Anyway, I’m talking about MYSELF here, a mother, and how this “Holiday of Love” is just one of the few ways I get a shred of thanks for the daily bullshit I endure.

“Everyday should be a day of loving and appreciating one another.  No one day should be designated to show admiration and respect… blah blah BLAH!!”   

Well guess what tree hugger?! IT ‘AINT THAT WAY, so get over it.  Yeah, and everyfuckingday should be a day without child abuse, and murder, and my mother-in-law not being a fucking cunt BUT IT’S NOT NOW, IS IT???  

Take that bleeding heart shit and put it on a gold chain, wrap it in a fancy fucking box and give it to me with the glass of champaign I sooo deserve that is sooo overdue, and I might just consider it. Otherwise, tack it right up there with “Saving the Rainforest” and all the other crap you’ll never change by whining about it.  

At least I care about the rainforest.

Being a mother is the most under appreciated, over looked, underpaid, underrated, shit upon, taken for granted job in THE GODDAMN WORLD.  

Fuck, if I were the president of Hallmark, there’s be a Mother’s Day once a month!  Once a week even!!  But alas…. since I’m not the CEO of Hallmark, and Mother’s Day is only once a year, I’m gonna go ahead and count Valentine’s Day as a second fucking Mother’s Day, mmmk??  

Good, I’m glad we agree.

Soo, unless you want to sit around covered with shit and puke, play servant to some whiny ass tyrants, make a billion casseroles for people who don’t even eat ’em, and gain 75 pounds, stretch marks and saggy tits, shut the fuck up, rub my feet, and don’t forget…. nut clusters are my favorite.

I love you sweetie.




10 thoughts on “I Fucking Heart Valentine’s Day

  1. If I could like every single sentence in this blog…i.e. if we were on Facebook…my friends pages would be blowing up…stop making me laugh…my belly hurts!!! ūüôā

  2. you wrote this for me!!! you even knew that my mother-in-law is a fucking cunt!!I shared this on FB and sent it to my husband!love your blog, I am now a new reader!

  3. i absolutely LOVE this lmbo……i am active duty Air Force (as well as my husband), i go to school part time, i have 3 toddlers (including the husband) and an 11 month old horse-puppy…….i feel like i do EVERYTHING around the house (probably because i do) and V-day is just a second mothers day to me…….you make my days so much easier.

  4. WELL FUCKING SAID!!! I agree, Motherhood is wildly underrated and maybe every goddamn kid would turn out better if we praised and appreciated mothers every single day :)) Cheers babe!

  5. this is great. i have no kids but if i did I’m sure i would feel this way. i open up my eyes and ears and see how women get treated. they do need a spa day and a foot rub way more often than they get.

  6. Thank you for being as sarcastic as I am. You manage to make ne laugh at everything you say. Happy Second Mother’s Day! I will be enjiying mine with a pint of SoCo, Chinese take-out (my choice) and lots of chocolate…right after I put my 11 month old daughter to bed.

  7. Way to go…it’s brilliant how in one rant you manage to endorse sexism, rape culture, and the idea that your genitals are currency. Parenting is hard, but by no means is it an experience unique to women. I do all of the cooking, a majority of the cleaning and have been the one covered in bodily waste since my daughter was 6 weeks old and my wife went back to work. My wife’s genitals aren’t a gift that I’m lucky to have access to…nor is she lucky if she “gets my dick”. How demeaning can you possibly get? I don’t want to live in the world you live in, with “wifely duties” and women seen as the only ones capable of caring for children and cooking and cleaning. I am sad for you and your children…sad for my own daughter…that the world still has so far to come.

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