What do we want for our kids?
Why do we stand thigh high in this parental tar pit of shit and trudge forward with children held high on our shoulders, above all the evils of the world that wrap themselves around our ankles?
We would give our lives, become fossilized in sludge, just to see our children tread safely on dry land.
Ask most parents and they’ll tell you —
“I struggle so that I can give my kid the very best.”
“I want to be able to give my kid more then I had.”
“I want my kid to DO more, HAVE more, BE more then I was…”
Why do we say this?
What the fuck is so bad about US that we strive, struggle, scrimp, and pray for our own children to be more than who WE are? …
To be better….?
Is it a hindsight thing?
I mean, as children ourselves, did we feel like we had shit so bad, or do we only feel that way now as adults looking back?
Do we really even feel that way AT ALL??
I’m sure many of us had less then perfect childhoods (is there such a thing as a perfect childhood?) fraught with divorce or money problems perhaps, but even so, I always remember assuming that things like this were just a part of life.
Resilience was not just desirable, it was innate — it meant strength and wasn’t questioned.
I knew others had more than I of course, but I never remember wishing for it.
My birthday wishes, behind tightly shut eyes and a scrunched nose, were never something I had to think about.
I always just allowed them to wish themselves.
They were their own, and I never disagreed.
I treasured them as much as the gifts I got on that day and NEVER revealed them to ANYONE in fear that they may not come true…. until right now….
They were always the same.
There were two:
“I wish everything is going to be okay and everyone will be happy” or
“I wish I was a good singer.”
I know now, that about 50% of birthday wishes come true….
Fuck it, I’ll still get up for Karaoke if drunk enough so kiss my ass.
The point is, I’m happy with who I am because of where I came from.
My kids come from a different time, a different place and are different people.
Comparing their lives to mine is pointless, and so, what exactly is this “MORE” that I want for them?
There’s plenty of people that have “MORE” things and are far LESS happy — so that’s out….
“MORE” knowledge? Well her education is great and wisdom’s only real teacher is experience — so I guess that’s out too.
“MORE” confidence? Well I know I was always praised for my achievements and encouraged to try whatever interested me, as long as I gave it my all.
I didn’t get a prize for fourth place and so, never settled for it.
I was and still am strong and confident because I had to earn it
as do my daughters — so I guess as far as that “MORE” goes, it’s a ball that rests in their court.
You know what I really want for my kids?
I want to give them LESS comparisons to myself and MY childhood.
I want them to be able to take what they have, add it to whatever I can give, and make it their own.
I want them to strive, I want them to persevere — to make their lives better through their own achievements and to build their lives using their own strength.
I’ve given them a foundation, and I’m happy with that.
I guess the only thing I could EVER hope my kids have “MORE” of than I had as a child?
There are two things:
Hugs, although that’ll be really hard to beat.
Wet Willys… ok, ok, that’s totally just for my fucking benefit…
What can I say?
Maybe there’s still a little “MORE” childhood left in me I’m not quite done with.