My Ode To Scrappy Girls.

Scrappy girls.  I fucking love them.  Ponytails loose and all askew. Dirty scabby knees.  Shorts and sneakers with frayed laces, untied and trailing.  Tree climbing, tag playing, ball throwing, dirt digging, bug collecting, SCRAPPY GIRLS.  




The only thing that I don’t like about them is the title they’re given: “Tom Boys”.  

Yup, another goddamn double standard.  

Suck a dick society.

More loaded than an NRA convention, the term “Tom Boy” is a backhanded compliment that’s as overused as it is outdated.

“Girls who like sports more then dresses?” 

“Girls who prefer pixie cuts to pigtails?”

“Girls who’d rather play with balls than dolls?”

Girls who don’t act like GIRLS?

Ahhh.  We shall call them BOYS…….TOM BOYS.

FUCK THAT.

Should we call boys who enjoy dolls or dress-up (as many do) oh, I dunno…

MARY GIRLS? 

I do believe that there are inherent differences between boys and girls. And I love that shit.

BOYS

I love how many young boys I have met and know have direct perceptions that don’t allow for much time wallowing in the emotional.  This “In The Moment” purity is so off the hook that their transition from BOY to    SuperHero/Wrestler/Airplane/Ninja/Whatever Screams and Hits is as seamless as a fucking tube sock.




“Take your rings and shove ’em up your ass Wonder Twins!!  I got a towel around my neck and some shiny ass boxers!! Watch out, ‘cuz Immabout to fuck you and your purple tights UP!!!  RAWR!!”


Oh yeah.


Now let’s talk about GIRLS. 

First off, I was one before I grew into a bitch.  

Secondly, I have a sister who, as a girl, blessed me with many important life lessons including “How to not cry like a fucking pussy when being punched in the face”.  

Last but not least, I contributed to the female population by shooting two more out of my very own girl parts.

After all this, I think I can safely say, girls as I know them…. 
are annoyingly complex.  

It’s nobody’s fault.  Like salmon swimming upstream or spit on a cowlick, girls are a dichotomy. They want to be instinctually who they are yet are confined to the societal space that has been predetermined for them.  

There are just too many insecurities hovering around their heads.

As I said earlier, and shall reiterate: 

Suck a dick society.

Girls are bullied by pressures that are weird and constant.  For as many times as you try to be the “strong woman role model”, consciously making the “anti-girlie-girl” selection, picking “The Boy” to play in Chutes and Ladders or favoring Barbie’s brown haired friend (what the hell is her name anyway?) , I many times feel as though I’m fighting a fucked up Robotic, Pink Hello Kitty System… 




It’s all bigger than me.

At their most candid, without the scourge of the Disney princess locusts blinding their behavior,  I have found my girls to be: complex, competitive, emotional, introspective, intuitive, and analytical.

So, are boys and girls inherently different? Yes.  

Should their differences be obstructive to any activity in the world they would like to pursue INCLUDING kicking a Wonder Twin’s motherfucking ass??  
Not. At. All.

So back to my inspiration for writing this blog..
Guess what Disney!?  

Scrappy girls from around the world didn’t get your fucking memo.  

Know what else?! “Tom Boys” are still ALL GIRL, and so much more. 

They could care less about Ariel because their mission is so much more meaningful.   It’s about being who THEY are………….

knocked out tooth and all.

So hey you, scrappy girl sitting outside the principal’s office…

You, scrappy girl with the broke knuckles and freckles,

You, scrappy girl with the cornrows and overalls,

You, scrappy girl who had to show and prove….


That’s a strong lil girl right there. Could MY daughter do THAT? Could YOURS?



Here’s to you and your rugged innocence!  

It won’t be long before the pressures of the world have you
“K-I-S-S-I-N-G”, after your knobby knees have climbed those trees….  

Sooo, before you relinquish your naive power… 

Before you fall in love with a boy make sure you…  

PUNCH HIM IN THE FUCKING FACE during 
“Boys Catch Girls” FIRST!!!





Shut the fuck up and hold my doll.


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13 thoughts on “My Ode To Scrappy Girls.

  1. You wouldn’t believe how much satisfaction I got from reading this! “Shut the fuck up and hold my doll ” says it all.

  2. I LOVE this!!!! I have 3 daughters…all VERY different and this is so true. I just absolutely freakin’ love this! People always say to me, “Oh 3 girls! 3 weddings!”. I always say, “well we are pretty much going to deal with college first, ass.” It gets so annoying. They look at us like having 3 girls is some hot pink, frilly freak show. Not so much. They are just as messy, loud, and tough as boys, sometimes even more so.

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