Pooters and Pee Pees

A touchy subject?  Well, maybe but since I really just don’t know how to tip-toe around shit, fuck it, here it goes:


Private Parts.

Why the hell is it the only part of our kids bodies we give a nick-name to? We tell them they’re ‘private’, we tell them to ‘cover ’em up’, we tell them not to ‘talk about them in public’ yet we give privates a cutesy-ass little name….

I mean “Weeeeeee!!” Isn’t that what they say when they go down a really fun slide?? 

Yeah, but ‘don’t talk about your wee wee’, and definitely ‘don’t touch it while you’re going down the slide!!!’ 





Vagina — there are SO MANY names I won’t even pick one, but most of the ones I’ve heard sound either like the name of a cute cartoon character or a childhood pet, we call it “ToTo” over here for instance… Wizard of Fucking Oz anyone?? 


So why do we do this? 


Are we that uptight about kids discovering their privates that our coping mechanism to deal with the ’embarrassment’ of something that is totally normal is to buffer it with a word like “pooter”? 


Are we ‘naming’ privates for THEIR sake or is it something that makes US feel safer? 


Are we afraid that if our three year old says ‘penis’ in public they will come off as knowing something about sex in some way? 


Do we think that our daughters using the word ‘vagina’ sexualizes them in some way? 



Does this image make YOU feel uncomfortable?  


We don’t approve of attention being brought to their private parts but we seem to single out those parts at the same time. 


I’m not sitting here with any answers. I just was thinking about why, we as parents, can be so different in so many ways as far as how we choose to raise our kids, yet do so many of the same funny things… 


I guess there IS one thing that connects many of us……….. the society we live in…..so tell me, what does that say about our society??


Just a little something to ponder.

One more thing I need to get off my chest…completely unrelated, and in fact, it’s bothers me waaay more then nick-naming private parts.

Since when the fuck are we supposed to give out party bags on our own kids birthdays???? When I was growing up, going to a birthday party was awesome enough. I would have NEVER expected to get a gift on someone ELSES birthday! 


It’s fucking bad enough that birthday parties have gotten so ridiculously expensive, and now I’m supposed to organize all these games and activities AND give these buggers a gift bag at MY kids party?!?!? 



Happy birthday to YOU! Now, whatcha get US??


FUCK THAT. Ok, I’m done. 

Goodnight.

12 thoughts on “Pooters and Pee Pees

  1. Nice article. I think some people are afraid of what some other people with power will think (CAS). I have seen it go both ways… parents lauded for using the correct terms and also questioned why does their 4 year old know about penises…. I work in the field

  2. This all comes from the bible. I was raised with biblical beliefs I’m a Pagan now so I shed all those notions. When my son (at 2 years old) discovered I didn’t have a penis (of course in a WMCA locker room) I made sure to let him know I wasn’t lacking anything but rather had a vagina that was INSIDE my body. It’s just a matter of letting go of the more Christian beliefs that the naked bod and sex is “bad”. It’s hard if you’ve been raised this way though, to be honest. Nature gave us our bodies and the propensity to enjoy sex. Follow what is comfortable and feels right ūüėČ

  3. We have always called the parts by their correct names and it really tweaks my dad when we visit the grandparents. He prefers we call is a “potty”. I’m with you on the party favors. Wtf….I did all the parents a favor by entertaining their little brats for a few expensive hours!!! Screw that, I won’t be providing favors at birthday parties, ever!

  4. I’ve often wondered the same thing about children’s private parts. When I was little my mother called it a “doogie”. My girls’ step-mom calls it a “wubie”. I hate, FUCKING HATE, that word. I’m not sure why, it just gives me the willies. I prefer for my girls just to call it a “front butt”. That makes things much more simple. The birthday parties? I don’t even invite anyone that isn’t family. Fuck that shit. I’m not babysitting fourteen other screaming little shits hyped up on cake and ice cream. Nor am I handing out treat bags. It ain’t Halloween, is it? Didn’t think so. Soooo….fuck you, no treats!

  5. I couldnt agree more!! Cutesy nicknames crack me up even though I do the same fuckin thing!! And ‘goody bags’ are total bullshit and I REFUSE to do it! Fuck em! They can talk shit about me all they want! I aint doing it!

  6. I have an 8 month old son and I am vaguely looking at birthday party stuff and noticed that whole gift bag thing too…that blew my mind. Especially since we’re in a crappy economy; like i have time to put together a fucking goodie bag for ungrateful kids who’d rather play with the bag than what’s inside…no thank you. How about you bring money for my son’s college fund…then we’ll talk goodie bags.

  7. My kids know it is called a ‘vagina’ but I still think ‘front bottom’ and ‘vajayjay’ are much funnier. I wish my mother had had a sense of humour about my private bits but unfortunately, she didnt have a sense of humour about anything! And about the gift bags – I live in Panama and the tradition has come from here! Expensive parties and a gift bag are an absolutely Latino thing! I think kids should be grateful just to get an invite to my house and my free cake and the fact that I have actually been to the shops! Don’t do it. They are children. They wont remember! Love to all of you from a culturally confused Australian.

  8. Well im a stepmom of three and the kids mom is a whore…she has numerous men at her house…i nearly flipped a lid when the kids were taking a bath together and i walk in to the girls playing with their brothers wee wee…thats not something that should be going on with a 2, 3, and 5 year old…then the 5 year old came home and embarassed the shit out of me in front of my mom and living room full of friends by saying ill put you in the pussy bed pussy…i was mortified that a 5 year old knew such a word cause i do not speak like that…i want those things private because it makes them have that innocence…kids are having sex so young these days and learning about it even younger…its scary…and i instill in them that no one is suppost to touch their parts unless they are helping them wipe or bathing them…but it should never hurt and they should never be promised not to tell…your right though i think its mainly to help parents feel better cause i know it helps me feel better…they may not be my kids biologically but i love them and worry about them as if they were…

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