Dear Romance…

Fuck you Romance, with your roses and sweets,

Chocolates, perfumes, and pink satin sheets.
Romance these days, means a whooole new thing.
I’m married with kids, brah. What, you ‘aint seen this ring?
There’s not too much room here for you anymore,
So either step up, or get kicked out the door.
You need a new game, NOT a dumb faced teddy.
Do I look like a High School bitch being asked to 
“Go Steady”??



You better change your angle if you wanna get props,
Pick up those rose petals, here, take this mop.
You wanna make me swoon like at my Honeymoon??
Tell my husband to wash dishes and break out a broom.
I’m sorry but bubble baths don’t turn me on.
A sure bet to get ME wet, is if you’d go scrub the John.
I’m not bitter, or mean, or a shit starter,
I’m just more experienced now, and a whole lot smarter.



You got 50 Shades, son?  Well, I got 50 Shades MORE.
It’ll take more than cheap candy to make THIS housewife a whore!
I’m sorry, Romance, it’s not that I hate you,
Things have just changed since I first started to date you.

Gotta cut shit down to the heart of the matter,
The only thing ‘chocolate’ does, is make my ass fatter.
So Romance, heed what I’m sayin’ and don’t take it as disses.
You’re very sweet when it comes to young couple’s first kisses.

All that cutesy shit however, just makes me more tired,
So have a Pow-Wow with my husband this V-Day, 
or guess what?!


YOU’RE FIRED.















5 thoughts on “Dear Romance…

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